benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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