i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
