is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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