oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
it was like eating out sand paper
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
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My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
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I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
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