PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
