She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Randomize
