Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
