I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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