i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
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