oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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