I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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