No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
