He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
