id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
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