He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Too much gin, very little bucket
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
