Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
