SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
