There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
