the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
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