How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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