two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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