We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
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