Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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