Capitaan dildo arrescate!
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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