Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
