WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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