yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
