We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
He did a backflip because drugs
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
