yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I enjoy the company of your penis
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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