you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
