i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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