return my video game
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
