I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
