You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
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