For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize