i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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