I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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