He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
