Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
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I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
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I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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