Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
