all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Randomize
