It's Friday. Sex?
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
