he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
everyone is single if you try hard enough
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
