I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
