White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Life is so much better after having sex.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
There's even glitter on my cock...
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