Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
