I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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