Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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