Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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