his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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