So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
