the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
