Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
