Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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