so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
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States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
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I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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