Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
