drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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