Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
of course. lets lasso hookers.
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at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
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I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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