I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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