I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
