He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
