bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
