i would punch a child for taco bell
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
