Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
i came on her dog
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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