He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
