you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
