Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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