my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
