A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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