so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
