Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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