My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
