He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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