U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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