I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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