i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
