so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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