the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
