Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
