you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
