I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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